Take a lap through the mall these days, and you'll notice something strange. Every store geared towards teenagers is two decades behind the times. And I'm not talking about vague homages like torn jeans or head bands, every item looks like it was literally taken from the Breakfast Club prop room.
    And it's not just one style from the 80's that has made the comeback. Punk kids are wearing tapered jeans with Flock of Seagulls hair-cuts. Preppy kids are wearing skinny ties and colored nylons. Surfer kids are wearing day-glow swim trunks and spray painted t-shirts. Walk the halls of a local high school and half the kids want to audition for Depeche Mode, the other half just got back from the Bayside High pep rally.
    I have a lot of problems with this 80's revival, but my biggest beef is it's painfully uncreative. Do kids think they're being original by dressing exactly like their 30 year-old uncle did on his first date? I understand fashion is cyclical, kids in my high school wore flared jeans, but at least we sagged our pants half-way down our butts. Take an old style and add your own touch, don't just rip it off exactly.
    It's easy to blame lazy clothing companies for just recycling the styles they sold twenty years ago. But I think the obsession with 80's clothing springs from another annoying trend that has spiraled out of control: the 80's party. What started as an original idea done maybe once a year is now done ever week at fraternity parties and college bars (I'm looking at you La Salle's). Why do the 80's have a monopoly on the decade theme parties? Why are there no 70's disco dances or 50's sock hops? I loved Kelly Kapowski as much as the next guy, but leggings and crimped hair once a week is a horrible look. Throw in a hoop skirt or some bell bottoms and switch it up a little.
    What's also bizarre is the 80's might be the worst music decade in the last century, but people under 30 have this bizarre attachment to it. Inevitably at every 80's party the DJ plays Pour Some Sugar On Me which prompts every college girl in the bar to scream, "this is my song." Really, you were two years old when this song came out. Were your parents playing Def Leapord for you in the crib? This is not your song, you were listening to Raffi when this song hit the charts. You grew up during the golden age of rap and R&B, throw on a little Mariah or Doctor Dre, put away the Cindy Lauper.
    I understand that each generation has nostalgia for the period they grew up in. If you're over 30 and you lived through the 80's, by all means fire up the Trans-Am and bump the White Snake. But if you're under 20, loosen up the bottom of your jeans, break out your iPhone and listen to some 3oh!3. Stop forcing the 1980's upon all of us, let the decade fade gracefully into the collective memory.